Posted on January 2, 2009
by Gossipdude

Amazon book reviewers take the King James Bible on…

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A boot in the Testaments care of Amazon’s reviews of the King James Bible.

Top Ten funniest comments:

1. “Excellent Special FX throughout”
2. “The best fantasy epic since Lord of the Rings”
3. “There aren’t enough good fights”
4. “Three stars, because the paper was too thin”
5. “One of the most disjointed novels I’ve read in a long while”
6. “Almost preachy in tone”
7. “Good ending”
8. “The Lord hath no scorn like the scorn reserved for one-star reviewers”
9. “Who wrote this thing, Michael Moore?”
10. “Definitely not his best work

…For those of you who don’t know, this is God’s second novel after the Old Testament. It’s a marked improvement, in my opinion. He got rid of a lot of his previous angst and scorn, and has really begun to show some of the maturity present in his later works. He’s become a much more loving and kind God, and, noticeably, he doesn’t throw nearly as many tantrums as he did in the first book.

That said, there is still vast room for improvement. Plot wise, there isn’t really much suspense, and the story can be incredibly repetitive. In like four chapters, he just rewords the same basic story over and over again. To top that off, he puts those chapters one right after the other. Like we wouldn’t notice! I like the whole Jesus character, but let’s face it, the whole good guy martyr thing has been done before. There was no need to devote so much of the book to that guy.

If you’re really looking for a good God read, check out the Koran or the Book of Mormon. They’re much more polished. Plus, the storytelling in the Book of Mormon is wild. Some people say it goes too far and point to it as evidence that God’s over the hill, but I beg to differ. Just read it. God’s like a genius or something. I mean, magic spectacles! Tell me that isn’t awesome. I don’t know how he dreams up some of this crap.

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